let’s roll.
1) Zoe said:
????MIKEY I was wondering if you had any tips on how to deal with nerves/stage fright. Every year my school holds a christmas concert. I've never taking part in it at all before but this year I decided to give it a shot. I have never sang in front if a large crowd before. When I get nervous which can be from reading out in class to talking to a teacher I am close to, I feel dizzy and get shakes throughout my body. All my friends think I can sing and that I should just go for it. I wanted to sing a paramore song such as misery business or that's what you get.
MIKEY: dear zoe,
This is a question that is near and dear to me. It may not be a new subject to a lot of our fans in the know, but I too suffer/have suffered from chronic stage fright. Being in a band with a fear of public performing is kinda like being a penguin that's afraid of the cold. It's a problem that I have had as far back into childhood as I can recall. Unfortunately, there's no definitive answer. I have spent the greater part of a decade trying to figure out that riddle, and have talked in great lengths with doctors and therapists about the subject. I would find someone you know and trust and talk to them about it. There is no shame in going to a therapist to talk out your problems either. It doesn't mean your "crazy". It's really effective to be able to talk to an unbiased person and gain new perspective on your problem. Another great way to conquer your fear is to face it head on. You might find out that your not scared after all. Enter that X-mas concert and knock 'em dead! You might wonder what you were even scared of to begin with.
2) FROM i.M.:
????Mat, So I am a junior in college and I am very anti-social I really don't have any friends I tend keep to myself. I am able to talk to people but I just don't like being around most people. Being shy and anti-social I don't have any luck with girls. I get awkward and shy because I don't know how to approach and talk to them. How can I get out of this anti-social state that I am in? P.S. The new c.d is fuckin' awesome.
MAT: Junior in college? You wrote me just in time, my friend. You’re at a pivotal age.
You’re in good company. Most musicians and artists are antisocial… the best ones at least. But there’s a fine line between good loner (AKA: becoming the lead singer of Joy Division) and bad loner (AKA: growing a beard, building a cabin in Montana, using your own feces as fertilizer for your vegetable garden and mailing bombs to random people.)
I hear you tho. Girls are fuckin scary sometimes. –but you’ll be fine.
Any 10 yr class reunion will prove that shy guys ultimately win. The uber-alpha males from the football team are pumping gas, married to pigs, and the shy kids don’t even show up, ‘cos they’re happy with their cute wives and Porsche roadsters in Cupertino and what’s the point.
Our guitarist, Dan, is the shyest, most antisocial guy I know, yet girls have always drooled over him. Why? Because he exudes a quiet confidence and he can back it up… he’s well-traveled, well-read, and funny as shit.
Using him as your future archetype, here are my recommendations:
DO explore the world. DO the shit that scares you. DO subscribe to Esquire magazine. DO be yourself. DO respect everyone in a non-creepy way. DO NOT expect anything to come easy. DO NOT be afraid of rejection. DO NOT play Dungeons and Dragons. Not even once. A 20-sided die is like vagina kryptonite. Don’t even pick one up.
Beethoven has one of the coolest quotes ever: “Seize Fate by the throat.”
You have to make a decision today that you will actively start building your ‘skill set’ in order to become an interesting person. You are no longer “shy” and “anti-social”. Ok? From now on, you are “smouldery” and “mysterious”.
We are all artists, and by the end of each artist’s days, they must look back on their own lives as his/her greatest work of art. Look at what u do each day and aim towards that goal.
As for approaching girls, you can steal a page from my friend Sandy’s book: throw her a disarming dorky wave and a smile, and when she laughs, motion for her to come to you.
3) Mikey????? How do u deal with fitting in and bullying at school??? I don't have any friends and the teachers think there is something wrong with me because im so quiet. The teachers think i'm playing mind games with them. Anyways lots of people bully me and throw gross stuff at me... Do u have any advice on bullying??? Ur the best in the whole world^-^ also hows being an uncle?? xo B
MIKEY: Dear B,
One of the awful constants about growing up and going to school, are the social obstacles that are waiting for you once you get there. Much like many of you out there, I was indeed bullied in school. I was a "fat kid with glasses"! I pretty much had a gigantic neon sign above my head that said, "pick on me, please!" It's almost a given that it's going to happen to everybody in some way shape or form sometime in your scholastic career. If someone is picking on you, it usually means that there is something that they don't like about themselves. It causes them to lash out on those who can't defend themselves, giving the bully a self esteem boost. You can find comfort in the fact that most of the "popular" kids in school have already reached their apex, and it's only going to be down-hill for a lot of them once school is over. Being picked can also mean that there's something unique and interesting about you, and one day you'll be able to effectively harness that power. See also, "the ugly duckling"
4) FROM Rachel:
?????? Mat
I live in North Texas. My boyfriend lives in England. I met him online. We've been dating for nearly a year. I love him more than anything in the world. I intend on being with him forever. And yeah, all the happy things I could say about him that I'm SURE you can already assume I'd say, should go here.
Anyways, I kept it from my parents for 4 months, because I didn't know how my mother would take it. But I finally told her, and although she was relatively pissed at me, she didn't make me kick him to the curb or anything terrible.
My issue is, I'm waiting 4 years to meet the person I love the most in my life. Well, 2.75 years now. But, still. I have the money to pay for a plane ticket and all expenses, but they don't want me to go see him. Am I being irrational for wanting to meet him now, even before I get out of high school? They're going to be unsupportive even when I do graduate and go, but one day I smarted off and said I was just going to go without their permission and they said I wouldn't have a home when I came back (I'm sure they were being dramatic, but still). Overall, am I being a dramatic teenager? Or do I have a reason to ask them to be reasonable? If so, what should I do to get them to see my side? No matter what, my relationship is going to be okay, which is always a good thing; but I just wish I knew that my parents were supportive of what I wanted for myself.
MAT: This internet age is freaking me out. I feel so out of touch. You’ve been “dating” someone you haven’t met? You’re 15yrs old, and this boy is the love of your life? What, do you have video chats and hump the monitor?
My heart bleeds for all you parents out there in 2009. All my mom and dad had to deal with was the usual stuff: “Mat got drunk at his First Holy Communion” “Mat ran away from home because his sister called him a Homo sapien.” “Mat jumped on the back of a freight train and he’s calling collect from Peoria” “Mat went skiing and he’s in a coma.” “Mat set the school for challenged kids on fire.”
I fully endorse world travel as a learning experience. We should all die with passports FULL of stamps. -but at 15, you need supervision. So, regarding your solo sexcapade in England, I have to side with your parents here. Haven’t you seen the movie Taken?
Chances are, you’re a good judge of character and your “boyfriend” is just a harmless little Brit Myspace boy. I know how those accents can pull you in like a tractor beam, but you haven’t even MET him!
Maybe he has massive whiteheads all over his back… maybe his mouth smells like a dumpster… maybe he has a tail… maybe he sucks at kissing… maybe, and I’m just brainstorming here… he’s.. oh I don’t know... 45yrs-old, utterly INSANE and wants to chop you into little pieces and stir fry you? Maybe he wants to add to his vast collection of young American scalps and nipples? Has he mentioned anything about putting the lotion in the basket?
Call it old-fashioned, but your folks are banking that by the time you graduate, you’ll like someone new who lives in your own country and who, presumably, you’ve met in person. This is one of those rare cases where I advise NOT being a trailblazer. You’re 8 years ahead of schedule. The whole long-distance thing is a gigantic mistake that you should make just after college like everyone else… not now.
compromise: Use the money you saved to fly him to your town for a few days... maybe split the cost…–orrr… does your school have an exchange program? Ps: if it doesn’t work out, make sure you guys stay tight. It’s always a good idea to have as many friends as possible in different countries.
5) Isla Marie said:
MIKEY! I would just like to let you know that I watched an interveiw with you a couple years back and heard you expressin your love for coffee. I decided to try coffee out myself and am now hooked on the stuff. I can't got 6 hours without it. Thankyou
MIKEY: Dear Isla Marie,
I have been wanting to address this issue for quite some time now. I realize that you guys and girls truly look up to us, and take the things we say and do to heart. I never really thought about the damage that I would be causing by constantly mentioning that I drink a gallon of coffee a-day in interviews. In meeting fans at shows and in my travels, I am learning that many of you have taken up this awful habit because of my recommendation. Being addicted to coffee isn't something you should strive for and is actually quite bad for you. Caffeine is an addictive and unforgiving substance. If you absolutely must drink it, try and do so in moderation. The way caffeine works is your body adjusts to it, and you have to consume greater quantities in which to get the same "awake" effect, which in turn enslaves you to the "roller-coaster" effect of sweeping highs and crashing lows. Sounds dangerous right? I'm not trying to tell you guys what to do, I'm just advising you proceed with caution when consuming caffeinated beverages. In moderation, it can provide you with a little "kick in the pants" on rough early mornings.
6) FROM Cordelia:
???Mat, Basically, My life is at one of those cliché’d stand stills. I cut myself, and have done so for the past 4 years. I'm willing to accept treatment, but the thing is, my mother refuses to take me to therapy. I've talked to her (she doesn't know about my cutting though.) but she's convinced I won’t get a good job if I'm seeing a shrink. How can I get help, or try and tell her I need a therapist?
MAT: ok… I don’t really know where to begin.
No offense, but your mom is the one who needs therapy. Her priorities may honestly be your long-term health and happiness, but she’s just.. completely lost… on so many levels.
When the Allied powers prevailed in WWII, as one of the terms in the Japanese surrender, they insisted that Emperor Hirohito officially renounce his divinity. This was a major mindfuck. Generations of Japanese had been raised to believe that their emperor was a direct descendant of God. Likewise, there comes a sad day in every kid’s life when you realize that your parents aren’t superhuman and flawless. You seem to be there right now.
It’s absurd that some people still cling to the 1950’s view of therapy as taboo, something only for lunatics.
–and the “good job” part? What the fuck is that? The president of the United States sees a therapist… does your mom think he has a good job?
I’m baffled by her logic. How does she envision this future job interview? “Hi. My name is Cordelia. I’m a complete mess. I’m clinically depressed and I have gnarly self-mutilation scars all over my arms and legs.” “Well thank god you’re not seeing a therapist! You’re hired!” I mean, unless you plan on being an FBI agent, I’m not even sure it’s LEGAL for a potential employer to ask for your psychological history.
Compared to her, you actually seem pretty well adjusted. You’ve identified your behavior as harmful, and you’re seeking professional help. Done. Take your bike and go. There are local clinics that are free and 100% confidential.
You’re gonna be fine, C. cos I said so. I’m a lead singer godamnit and that has to count for something these days. ha.
I’ll make you a deal: The next time you reach for a blade, reach for a pencil and paper instead. -start planning a tattoo that will symbolize the courage and integrity you have to take your life in a new direction and stop cutting. If you keep that promise to me, I’ll even get Kat Von D to do it for you.
7) Deb Draisin said:
?????MIKEY When My Chem was struggling to get off the ground, what kept you hanging in there? How would you advise young artists who are starving and losing hope, and what keeps you from succumbing to burnout now that you have achieved your goals as an artist?
MIKEY: Dear Deb,
This is an extremely popular question and one that I also had when I was growing up. From the age of 9 and on, the only thing I wanted was to be in rock and roll band. I didn't quite know how that was going to happen or if it were humanly possible, I just knew that it was the only thing that I wanted to do. A lot of you probably feel the same exact way that I did. One of the most important pieces of advice that i can give you is to play music for the love and the need for it. Never start a band or project with the idea in your head "I'm gonna be rich and famous!". People can smell shit a mile away and your music will suffer. The music industry isn't the magical land that it was way back when. People don't sell 20 million records off of one hit single anymore. There is a lot of hard work and sacrifice that is going to be waiting for you, but the end result is the most rewarding a wonderful thing you could ever possibly imagine. Your gonna have to bleed and sweat for it, but i think it's worth it.
8) FROM Nikki:
????MAT -I’m an ex-cutter, and music became my way to cope, which led to the dream of being a guitarist. I’m okay at playing, but I’m a girl, and a lot of the guys where i live are like, "Girls can’t play", so i don't get taken seriously.
Do you have any tips on how to get started in following my dreams as a musician? (P.s. My Chem & KillHannah inspire me a lot, so it would be insanely cool if you even considered looking at my question)
First of all, I hail you for turning to music as a productive outlet in those troubling times.
Here’s the deal. Most girls DO suck at guitar… but don’t feel discouraged, most guys do too. Have you turned on a radio lately? It’s fucking chilling how bad these musicians are. But, this is a huge opportunity for you and everyone else with talent… because these days, it’s easier than ever to stand out.
It takes incredibly thick skin and a lot of determination to survive in a cutthroat industry that’s so overwhelmingly male-dominated. Most people don’t realize what a commitment it is for a girl to pursue a career as a guitarist. They sacrifice a lot of ‘girlish’ things: They cut their nails super short, their hands get rough and develop calluses, venues smell like piss, etc…
A couple thoughts:
a) Practice. Relentlessly. In addition to drilling your scales and studying theory, learn a different one of your favorite songs each week. It’ll balance the exercises with a little fun.
b) Beyond your skill, especially as a girl, your reputation will be your greatest equity… and that starts right now. Don’t ever compromise your integrity by sleeping around or using anyone to get ahead.
c) Finally, as for those guys who said, “Girls cant play,”… well they just accidentally became your strongest motivation. Grab some duct tape and write, GIRLS CAN’T PLAY huge on the ceiling above your bed. Around it, post pics of Jennifer Batten, Orianthia, Joan Jett, Hole, and Melissa Auf Der Maur.
Your greatest revenge will be the look on their faces when they see that your new band is on tour with KH and MCR in a couple years. Also, remember, when you make your first Grammy acceptance speech, don’t thank God. Instead, thank “those guys back in my hometown who told me I couldn’t do it. You know who you are. I’ll toast you from Jay-Z ‘s yacht later tonight.”
9) Deb Draisin said:
?????MIKEY When My Chem was struggling to get off the ground, what kept you hanging in there? How would you advise young artists who are starving and losing hope, and what keeps you from succumbing to burnout now that you have achieved your goals as an artist?
MIKEY: Dear Deb,
This is an extremely popular question and one that I also had when I was growing up. From the age of 9 and on, the only thing I wanted was to be in rock and roll band. I didn't quite know how that was going to happen or if it were humanly possible, I just knew that it was the only thing that I wanted to do. A lot of you probably feel the same exact way that I did. One of the most important pieces of advice that i can give you is to play music for the love and the need for it. Never start a band or project with the idea in your head "I'm gonna be rich and famous!". People can smell shit a mile away and your music will suffer. The music industry isn't the magical land that it was way back when. People don't sell 20 million records off of one hit single anymore. There is a lot of hard work and sacrifice that is going to be waiting for you, but the end result is the most rewarding a wonderful thing you could ever possibly imagine. Your gonna have to bleed and sweat for it, but i think it's worth it.
10) FROM Rose:
????Mat, I have a sad question about a very sad and strange aspect of me. Have you met people with retarded phobias? (ie: monkeys, clowns, getting their ankles sawed off as they climb into bed?) Well, I have too but I have also never met another person with Philemaphobia.
The thought of any mouth to mouth contact makes me want to crawl out of my skin and hide under the sand. I get shaky, I get awkward and stiff, my hands sweat and I say the most ridiculous things to get out of the situation. It's just pure terror and I can't bring myself to grow any sort of attachment to people, whether or not it's family or a possible relationship even though, lately, I really have wanted to.
This fear is ridiculous and I can see this completely and agree with it but I cannot get over it. So, I am asking you if you have any idea what I can do to get help for this because I honestly think I'd get laughed out of any office for saying "I am completely terrified of making out with that hot guy over there". Thx
MAT: First of all, there’s nothing “retarded” at all about being scared of monkeys or clowns… they both use a guise of playfulness to lure and kill children… that’s just common sense.
Secondly, is it just me, or do all these uncommon phobias and rare medical conditions make great death-metal band names? Check out some sun allergies like Polymorphous Light Eruption, Actinic Prurigo, or Solar Urticaria. So evil sounding! So Scandinavian!
Seriously tho, I feel your pain. It seems laughable, but most people don’t understand how agonizing it is to be crippled by an irrational fear that you feel helpless to control. You aren’t helpless tho.
Phobias arise from a combination of external events (i.e. traumatic events) and internal predispositions (i.e. heredity or genetics). Your fear of kissing, (which I have a fear of mispronouncing) can probably be traced back to a specific triggering event, (usually a traumatic experience in childhood).
I hate to speculate what that event was, but it’s possible that you may not even remember it yourself. Hypnotherapy may actually be your best solution for identifying the issues behind your phobia… it sounds bizarre and New Age, but it’s totally legit. Combined with some psychological counseling- you should be cool.
Try it… then go buy 10 packs of Trident Mangoberry gum. -because once I give you advice on HOW to kiss, (no aggressive face rape, no darty tongue, no slobber, what to do with your hands, erogenous zones, etc…) you’ll be fighting off the boys with a stick.
11) Ashley said:
????MIKEY Did you enjoy high school? What would your advice be for teenagers who are in high school right now?
Dear Ashley,
Much like 95 percent of teenagers, i hated high school with a fiery hot passion. There are so many mentally and emotionally taxing aspects of it all, but looking back now I see what was positive about it all. High school is one of those things that you don't appreciate until much later in life. Times were so much simpler. The only shit you had to worry about was homework, what you were gonna wear, and getting there on time. Sure, other kids can be mean, you have to wake up unbearably early and your video game time gets impeded, but its a necessary evil. The best advice i could give is to just stick in there, kiddo. It's only four years of your life, and the social and political skills will come in handy to you later on in life. There's always at least one teacher that you connect to that and be forever indebted to for helping you find/cultivate certain life talents as well.
12) FROM ECL
?????MAT
Right now I'm feeling really uninspired, and listless, and just generally exhausted. I have to do a lot of writing in school, which is normally easy for me, but now it's just like I have nothing I want to say, and this really bothers me.
School is way too much work this year, and we're moving, so my whole life is really hectic and we don't even have tables or chairs in the house, or food, or anything except ugly decorative pillows (Tess, by now you have realized this is me. Hi.) -and fake plants that our real estate agent brought in. Our couch smells like formaldehyde because it got sprayed with some aerosol shit to get rid of wrinkles or whatever, but that doesn't really have a lot to do with my question, which is:
What do I need to do to wake myself up and feel like a real and interesting person again? I'm thinking of some sort of grand adventure (though I don't know when I'll find time), or maybe just a really, REALLY good book or album. Both, maybe? I don't know. But I feel like I need to take a break from everything that's been going on, and nothing's really working.
Toxic fumes are the worst. Last time I got back from tour, my Radon detector would not stop blaring, so I dismantled it and threw it in the garbage. -and I’M the one giving YOU advice?
I feel you. Your description is eerie. Fake plants, fake people, and your couch smells like urinal cakes. I’m impressed that you only feel “uninspired”, ECL… you should feel fucking terrified.
This is when a lot of people would turn to drugs, and it makes perfect sense. -But fight that tendency. You can’t hide forever, but a quick and calculated escape can jumpstart your creative juices and put life in perspective. Here are some things you can do to feel inspired again:
a) Throw a party in a hotel room in your town. You can get a suite in a 4-star hotel on Orbitz for like $100... -stay for 3 days. wear a tuxedo.
b) Get on the wrong bus or train.. ride it til it ends. Disembark and explore.
c) Read We the Living by Ayn Rand… or the memoirs of a really interesting person. I get inspired people who started with dirt and ended up titans. (Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, Ozzy Osbourne, Richard Branson etc...) ALSO, buy the book, Break-Out! Famous Prison Escapes. It’ll remind you that anything is possible.
d) Work at a soup kitchen for a day; You’ll feed the homeless AND get badass fashion ideas!
e) Get a bold haircut. (Bold. Different. Not stupid.)
f) Listen to Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead. it may depress you, but at the very least it will remind you how different you are from your stale family and how you’re striving for something more
g) …and finally, I’ll give you my super secret creative serum: St. Germain. It’s an elderberry liquor. Drink it on the rocks with some Hendrick’s gin and a splash of champagne or soda. Breathe through your nose and good ideas will come to you.
13) Violet Stubbs said:
??? Mikey, I should start out by saying I have REALLY shitty eyesight. It's only getting worse. My friend suggested Lasik Eye Surgery, but if there's anything that gives me the willies, it's doctors. They freak me the fuck out. My friend is a total fangirl, and read that you'd had Lasik Surgery in the past. So my question is, is it worth it? Should I sacrifice my mental health just to get rid of my glasses? (I'm the kind of person who goes to the doctor, like, once every year and a half. Everytime i do, i either end up hyperventilating in the waiting room, or end up panicking and driving away before the people call me back.) Thanks for reading, A really freaked out fan.
Dear Violet,
The decision to get Lasik surgery was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I had worn glasses since elementary school up until that point. The whole operation is a lot less scary than it sounds and it has improved my life a thousand fold. Wearing glasses while playing live is one of the hardest things you can imagine, and it was making everything really stressful for me. If you have ever seen our band live, you know the amount of energy and chaos that ensues onstage. I would have make contraptions out of string and rubber bands (that didn't work very well) to make sure they didn't fly off my head. The intense heat at some venues onstage was also causing them to fog up to the point where I couldn't see. The actual operation takes about a half of an hour, and is completely painless. When you leave the operation, you can see without your glasses for the most part. As the days goes by, the discomfort and itchiness go away and it feels like there's some sand in your eyes. I can't describe how phenomenal it was to wake up and clearly see the time on the alarm-clock without my glasses for the first time. I highly recommend this surgery to anyone who is interested in it.
